France makes its little hop to snatch at the lofty virtues esteemed by nations. But not even the ablest hop combined with the utmost flick of the langue française can pull down a prize. Alas, power, comity, prosperity, wisdom, and respect, all remain unreachable, ungrabbable, unglaummable. Because unmerited.*
But, of course, you know all that.
We mention all this by way of revisiting our earlier item on the French study, Pourquoi Les Francais Sont Les Moins Frequentables De La Planete (scil., Why The French Are The Worst Company On The Planet), which, posted hastily and uncommented, we think deserving of enlargement.
The authors, Messrs. Olivier Clodong and Jose-Manuel Lamarque, present the rare case of truth imitating stereotypes.
Now we do not pretend that this study is much more than a bit of back-page fluff, surely one of the less weighty bad reports on the French by the French, such as this and this and this. What continues to amaze us is the effete self-applauding French response. In a nation of 60 million purported practioners of the stylish deep-think, no one appears to be up to the job of a serious rebuttal, much less a stylish or witty one.
Here is a typical apologia by Agnès Catherine Poirier, which tracks (sans injures) with the defenses posted at Pave by our French correspondents and the occasional off-course Francophile. We have interpolated our comments:
May 18, 2005 (Guardian) - A new study would have us believe that Europeans loathe the French. And to make it look more serious, this report has been compiled by two Frenchmen. Ooh la la! ... Simply put - since indeed only five adjectives to describe the French were asked of those questioned - they are viewed as: "arrogant, pretentious, rude, promiscuous, disobedient."Arrogance, first. ... How can they not be arrogant when they have so many reasons to be proud of their country?
Mdm. Poirier enumerates a list of largely trivial occasions for French pride. This is done perhaps to amuse but certainly to distract from her specious conjoining of arrogance and pride, which, Mdm. Poirier notwithstanding, are not one and the same thing nor do they proceed one from the other but are the bad and good aspects of esteem. The French are seen as wholly enjoying the bad aspect. Mdm. Poirier thinks this a good thing. Then this odd self-excusing codicil:
Also, their arrogance is not like any arrogance, it's pretty straightforward, pretty childlike. In other words, endearing. It says, "We are the best", while deep down they know very well they are not. Their arrogance is like that of a barking poodle. Annoying, perhaps, but of no great consequence for the world.
Mdm. Poirier apparently has not skimmed carefully the subject study. French arrogance is anything but "endearing" to her neighbors. She goes on:
Pretentious? Yes, definitely. It goes hand in hand with arrogance and frivolity. French pretentiousness comes mainly from two things: their sense of aesthetics and their love of their language. ... The French will be the last to bow. Their attitude looks undoubtedly conceited, thus pretentious, but frankly isn't it quite also admirable?
Mdm. Poirier's game, tipped in the title, is now clearly manifest. Her defense of France is to admit all and then strain to make French failings cute. Endearingly cute. Admirably cute. She slogs on:
Rude? Yes, indeed, they are very rude. And they are not sorry for it. However, rest assured that they are the first victims of their own rudeness.
French vices are emptied of their viciousness because the French distribute them equally amongst themselves as well as the rest of us. As comforting as this is, it does not constitute a defense. It seems rather an extension of self-loathing. She stumbles on:
Promiscuous? Yes, I guess they are. But no more so than their European neighbours.
The French have a big soft spot for the tu quoque. They feel no obligation to address a complaint unless everyone in the world everywhere in the world can be shown to be better behaved. Otherwise, il y a assez à faire de regarder ce qui cuit dans sa marmite, sans aller regarder ce qui cuit dans celle du voisin. Finally, Mdm. Poirier sputters then gutters:
Disobedient? Er, yes, again. It would be difficult to hide the fact that the French are often on strike or plainly fighting against this and that. Tourists and business people know it all too well. The French are unruly, a real pain to govern. And when they are angry, well, heads roll. But again, don't you find their anger charming? Admit it, you love it.
But France's neighbors admit no such thing. On the contrary they admit to not loving it. Mdm. Poirier has not made a serious defense, but that was never her intention. She, like her compatriots, have reconstructed their obnoxiousness as a sincere form of disregard: We treat you badly. We do not like you. You are beneath us. Could we possibly be more honest?
It is plain that the French morbidly love themselves. They invite the rest of us to share the pleasure and jump for France.
* We made this poster shortly after meeting Carine, who was badly in need of a laugh. We hope this still gives a chuckle.
Clever, impressive looking graphics Damian... I never seem to get past stick-man chicken scratch drawings myself. Kudos
I think the obvious conclusion is clear - arrogance, pretense, rudeness, promiscuity and disobedience are the best qualities that France has to offer.
